membebel (i)

*sigh*
i even have no idea wuts d title shud be..

2weeks more and sumthing stuck in my head till now..

let see..beyond the excitement of preparing...wut do i hate about wedding prep???

too many people with too many ideas..
seriously..im all confused!
i love wut i see..& i will take wut i love..the usual me..

i dun really go too detail on brand..i dont dream brand..i dream designs..if its cheap but pretty..so wut the hell rite..

but in wedding prep..its haaaaard to go cheap..i found it hard to take the design i like without strong brand and feeling proud of it..

i wasted cash going double of this and that just to find out every each is not right..

imagine seeking approval from 3 different people..different taste..different generation..!!

its hard..

i know everyone wanted to help out..wants my day to be great..the best it can be

but at one point..i just wanna go ignorant..just go go go..

abah pernah cakap..

'dalam kenduri kawin ni..kadang2 buat banyak dosa je..berlebih-lebihan..mengumpat-umpatan'

if u go perfect on sumthing..there will always..always..alwaaaays be sumthing yg not nice..people will always come out with some bad comment..

abah pernah pesan..

yang penting berkat..barakah..

itu yg memegang sebuah perkahwinan..

and i know he is right...

~~~~~

tapi takkan dapat lari dari debaran fikir wut will other people say if this or that..

hope this feeling will go away..

cuz sebenarnye disebalik kecerewetan ppl around me..means they care..a lot..to take the time and think wuts the best for me..
they help me out in so many ways..
so in the end of this journey..
i will always be grateful for them too~

andai mama ku tahu...

andai mama tahu..
that i spend 3+hours doing non-study-related stuff..
and exhausted by it..
pasti die geleng kepala..

andai student medic lain tahu..
that i spend 3+hours doing non-medical-related stuff..
and got a neck & spine stiffness from it..
pasti kene rejam dengan buku Davidson..

haha..rose pun gelakkan okey..she finds it pretty amusing that i can be that focused and serious..
(cube kalau belajar..10mins bontot berasap sudah)
well..description atas macam la i did sumthing gempak..(which is not!)
sumthing simple je from others eyes..
but hell it did give me a neck stiffness!!

takpe..the ikhlasness..the semangatness tu yang penting..
i did it happily..
it gives me a good distraction from sumthing..
and it brings back the good old memories..

zaman sekolah2 dulu..bila ada event yg melibatkan pertandingan antara homeroom..
u wont find me on my bed for days..cewah..ok taklah wont..but hardly lah..
nak jumpe sahabat baik yg lain homeroom pun susah..tibe2 jadi all secretive and private..haha..smangat tak semangat...mostly sebab busy laah..

i love doing all those cat2 banner thing..or cut-paste-getting-all-sticky thing..or busy making bushy bushy pom-poms..or u'll find me working on some poem or script..teringat hari merdeka where me and ihah duduk on her bed and buat sajak..sampai tertido2..

and hari sukan where me and syera made those mascot heads for ar-razi march..
and menyibuk2 buat banner kat bilik seni cikgu Zuhir sedangkan tak berbakat utk buat..i always sux at paintings ;p

i miss school..
i miss boarding school life..

zaman berkawan-kawan..
zaman bergumbira dengan tanggungjawab yg sekecik keropok twisties 30sen..
zaman baring atas katil member and golek bersama..
zaman bersidai kat koridor usha sape hensem sape hawtie of the day..
sampai cikgu BM marah & kata..BERSIDAI JE KEJE TAPI TAK KERING2..
mane boleh kering la cegu dengan juicy2 gossip..

sumtimes i feel like..pause please..i'm growing too fast..tsk~

reality check..
now its 5:06 am..kat luar pun da terang benderang since its summer..
and i need some sleep..
distraction mission succeed..
i'm all good :)

till then..
take care Love..xoxo

how long does it takes to figure out this??

---------------------------------------------------------------------

i was going thru my CDs last friday to sort out which stuff in past that will stay past and which will i carry together to face the days ahead..i think it is funny when all this while i keep wondering why a person is capable of loving sumthing and then the love is not there anymore-completely..not even the name can trigger a slightest jolt in heart..i mean..is that even possible????

well it is possible..! lol

i've been thru a relationship that made me sad thinking how silly i am staying sad!

and i've been thru a relationship that made me laugh thinking how silly i am being who i am at that time..;p

--------------------------------------------------------------

so..

how long does it takes to know your partner

to figure out that..okey..i can live with this person for next 100 years..

it always came across my mind how some people have a relationship for 10 years and suddenly they flip their heart and change their interest..all of sudden mata sepet is not pretty..and bimbo-blue eyes belongs to an angel..all of sudden ikan patin masak tempoyak is smelly and Tony Roma is delicious since forever..

but 'feelings' is like a vapour out in atmosphere..no one can exactly tells where it should go or what shape it should be..of coz feelings is like an art..it bends and form without a specific rules..

after a few arguments i started to doubt..started to cry before i sleep thinking that how can i face my 100 years ahead feeling hurt and sad like this..

sometime there's a tiny voice inside saying..it's enough..but i'm not brave enough to push myself off the cliff..i started questioning myself what if i made silly decision that i will regret later..what if at the end i didnt meet a person that treat me as good as u did..it has been 4 years learning about each other...and yet so many things we can argue about..

and the question repeat itself again and again..

can i live with this person for 100 years..?

as i lay in my bed thinking bout it..

finally it came to me that..

i dont know whether we can tolerate 100 years together

but for sure..i cant have a tomorrow without you..

*ps: i love you

pre-bye bye

malas nak balik..

nak cuti lagi..
tsk~
i will miss everything here..

kejap rasa..cepat lah grad

but i fear the challenge ahead..
cuak gak bile pikir da final year..
and i dont think i'm prepared enuff
to face the real world
the real job
THE JOB..
-end-

they fight, they breakup..they kiss,they makeup..

kasih..

i tried to search meaning of kasih..cuz i want to define and differ kasih, sayang, cinta..
but i'm too lazy to search gila'ly..not even try to click the NEXT button in search result page..

oh wutever...

fights..i hate fights..cuz in fights it's hard to keep the topic in one range only..one topic always leads to another..and leads to another..and another topic will always leads to 'the PAST mistakes' and the miserablity became double! that's the get 1 free 1 i hate the most..

we've discussed bout this before u know..
we really sux big time in art of fighting..sampai nak fight kene buat rules of fighting!
macam...
-always focus on current issue

-no bad words..no bad mouthing each other

-stay calm & not making silly faces (which is hard for me..:P)

-absolutely no raising voices

-delete any intention of hurting the other one

-if one of u gets d previleges in fighting like..being sulky,not talking or only using short sentences,not calling nor txting,not smiling..then the other one automatically,compulsorily have to react the opposite of every aspect mentioned before..

-do not use their past mistake to defend ur ground..cuz that will lead to other issue..remember!!! current issues only

-discuss matters when both of u already calm down..

-do not use threat..especially on wanting to break up..some day it may bcome so freaking lame and unscary duhhh~

-use the idea of lost-lost..so there's no need to defend ourselves nor trying to knock the other one down..kaann ;)

-if possible..avoid fighting using IM,,SMS etc..the best way is face to face..second best is thru the phone..less misunderstanding i tell you kan..sbb we might misread the tone of the phrase..

-if u have to IM or SMS..try this : add cute,warm,funny,friendly,goofy etc. words at the end of phrase..mcm..

instead.."kan da cakap,tanak dengar"
try to say.."tuu laaa yang..kan da cakap, tanak dengar''..
or..''nyehnyehnyeh..da cakap tanak dengar ooooo"..
or..''kan da ckp,tanak dengar ;p''

-try not to change or delete the 'mesra' names like honeybee,baby,buchuk,anje just because ur pissed of

-try not to skip the usual wishes like.."love u".."gudnite n switdrim'' cuz it will hurt the other one

..lagi..

..dah..cannot think of any more..next time maybe?? ;) ;)

...............~

saat ini yang terbayang kata2 aku dalam doa setiap kali lepas solat..

''ya Allah ya Tuhan ku..hanya pada Mu ku pohon ampun..dan hanya pada Mu ko pohon pertolongan"

..dan saat ini kata2 dalam doaku itu dicabar oleh yang Esa..sejauh mana hanya padaNya ku pohon pertolongan..

aku cube memanipulasi dan memusing definisi tujuan satu perbuatan supaya hati tidak rasa bersalah..

tapi saat ini sangat gagal..rapuhnya hati..terasa ingin menangis..sebak..

saat berdepan dengan kuasa manusia..hati gentar..kalau tumpas, adakah cukup kekuatan menghadapinya?

dapatkah aku kota kata2 ku..yang ku ungakap setiap hari padaMu..

ya Allah...berilah petunjuk dan kekuatan..jika ia tidak mendatangkan murka Mu..tenangkan lah hati ku ketika hendak memilihnya..Amin~

*peringatan*

jangan takabbur
jangan bongkak
kita tak selalu berada di atas..

jangan cakap besar..
nanti baru tahu langit tinggi rendah..

sayangi apa yang kita ada..
hargai apa yang kita ada..

bukan kah ade yang berkata..

''kadangkala kita hanya hargai sesuatu bila ia sudah tiada''

jangan ambil enteng sesetengah perkara
jangan pentingkan diri sendiri
jangan berkata buruk
takut tercermin sifat sendiri

jangan sangka langit selalu cerah
jangan sangka nasib selalu baik
jangan sangka satu penantian ialah selamanya
kerana setiap manusia ada batas sabarnya

jangan bermain dengan api
nanti terbakar diri sendiri

jangan tikam dari belakang
kerana bila jatuh tiada siapa yang akan sokong

tiada apa yang kekal di dunia ini

cintakan bunga..bunga akan layu..
cintakan manusia..manusia akan pergi..

satu..hargailah..hargailah..hargailah..

tips on how to loose weight!

this is mom's cook..she is fat

it's going to be EXAM WEEK next week...
goshh..takuttt gileeee!! (ok..macam tipu kan sebab sempat berblog,.hampeh~)
bile call mama mengadu takut..
mama cakap..haih..da dkat 5tahun hadap system kat sini..
takut lagi keee~
haha..5 freaking years kat Simferopol neh..gile ah..
faiz mention semalam..
''along pegi dari faiz form 1! sekarang SPM pon da abes..nak masuk U da''

haah kan..cepat sangat masa berlalu..

disebabkan masa berlalu cepat..so okeh..cepat cepat tulis entry!!

hehe..entry ini mengade la sket kan..
but i still wanna jot it down as a memory..

semalam qis masak ayam asam pedas..
so its my turn to wash wash la everything..
mase tengah2 basuh..terpandang balcony and heater place just in front of that balcony..
sebab pintu compartment terbuka..
and teringat mysayang..
kitorg slalu lepak kat situ..almost everyday..
lawan spacerider (ithink) from our sonyE gune bluetooth..haha..superbly fun!! dan juge lawan worm..which me selalu kalah~ :(

he always surprises me with his sudden presence there..
slalu dok masak2 basuh pinggan..eh!! die da ade kat situ watching..
haha~ rindu..

and i turn away..purposely just to create the feeling like he's there..

i think he have some kind of aura..where i can feel him whenever his nearby..
after few years together..i know that feeling well..
until i reach the point that i can create the sense of his presence..
*macam cerita hantu ke aaa?*

yes i can..
i miss him until i reach that point..
where i can walk to class and pretend his beside me..
sometimes maybe a bit behind..thats why i cant see him..
its not like berangan ok!!..
its the feeling of security and happiness whenever he's beside me..
the sense of calmness and excited mixed into one..
the feeling of belonged and taken care of...
him..


the window in my kitchen..
that window..we used to sit and chat..and chat..and lepak endlessly there..
i know it may have annoy others when it comes to me berchenta tak ingat dunia..hehehek..sorry!

the first time he came and watch me masak..
i was super nervous..
even thou he claimed that he's not a good cook..so no judgment from him..
but i'm still nervous..
and i asked him to look out side and count every room kat 4th with no lights..
finished??? so fastttt!!
ok..count every room with lights plak..
finished?? urghh..
ok..count setiap orang yang lalu ke 5th..bla bla bla

and my spagetti ends up..pedas gile..and i blamed him for that ;p
cewah..kunun xdapat focus smpai terletak banyak cili..padahal memang tak reti bajet

and as before..i continue basuh pinggan and pretend that his watching while sitting at the window like he always do..

i'm happy that i miss him that much..:D


ps: until the last day he teman me masak before we parted cuz he graduated..the nervousness still there..after years he watched me cook!! maybe that makes me cook better..but i think lately my cooking suxxxxx.~ sigh

dabdibdub: i wonder..does he know that he means a lot to me?? ;)

this is you wearing my spec

this is me cooking for our anniversary..
haha..ok sweater+apron=gemok
sumpah..i am not this gemok!!
there..that's the 'window' and u can see
4th hostel from there..;)

oohh!! tips on how to loose weight??
exercise and diet la!! :p
dan ambil pill Lami macham rose and zen amek..ehehe..

i am sick!!

the ache..
it cOmes and goes as it pleases..
tsk..~
can i curl up in bed and have a dreamless sleep?


..or can i swallow maybe 97 paracetamol? haha..paracetamol sounds harmless..hey..it can lead to liver damage in longtime overdosage..and i happen to be not a big fan of having kuning-langsat skin macam perempuan melayu yang ayu-chantek-putih-kekuningan..

teringat pada seseorang yang pernah buat begitu dahulu..

i told you i am sick!

bipolar disorder that is..
i think..

:(

i want to be cuddled~

my daily dose..

mysayang started his peads posting few weeks back..
and he's superrrrly busy..*sigh* im like the second wifey after Raja Permaisuri Bainun....punye hospital..
hehe..ok..not hers i guess..it's just named after her..

anyway..
i thought ah long said peads posting is the lepak-est posting ever..but why oh why when mysayang's posting the HO's are lesser there..means more workload per HO and less time for HO's girlfriend..

*sob*

adila complained too..herzali is busy busy busy with ortho..

but..

as a girlfriend..a still-student-so-hav-many-free-time girlfriend..
i called him..
hehe..usually i will wait for his cue to call..
when he sms..means he's free a while..
but..i have to have my daily dose of him..
it has been a while..
and i cant stand it anymore..
haha..cewahh..:P

me:hello..heyyy..busy ke??
mysayang: hello..heyy..haah lah..kol nanti boleh? (sambil berlari..i guess)
me: ohh ok2..hehe..sorryy kacau..saje je kol kjap..
mysayang: hehe..takpe2..sorry takleh ckp tau..
me: ok..faham2..hehe..byeee..
mysayang: ok bye..

mysayang: ehhh jap..
me: emm??
mysayang: love u..(whispering)
me: haha..love u too..thanx~

there..
i'm smiling inside out..
he made me smile inside out..
haha..i get my daily dose of him..
baru boleh tido dengan aman..:D


dabdibdub: ade ke pegi layan meteor garden..?? hehe..well..i'm in the mood untuk tgk cerite lame..and dulu-dulu i do love watching meteor garden..and abah selalu made me pissed off sebab die soh tuka tengok berite petang sambil cakap..''ade ke tgk citer cine..tak paham ape die cakap''..*oh daddy..sebab tu mereke letak subtitle..*

odessa post will be next..:)

POLIS HARAM

it has been a while since my last visit to saifulislam.com..

bukan keras hati atau gelap hati..hehe..cume ade musim je hati ni nak kesane..isk~
hehe..mostly because entry nye serius dan berat dan panjang..so nak membace kne lah ade ke'mantop'an fizikal untuk focus..ok la..hendak seribu daya la kan..dun bang me..it's totally individual..i can read Harry Potter like crazy berjam jam terbaring-duduk-golek-diri-tido if i want to..

i love reading Harry Potter..sangat! ;)

ok..berbalik pade polis haram..entry saifulislam.com yang wat i tertarik was about si polis cinta..

well..from my personal point of view..personally..i dislike people who didn't know how to give advice properly..haha..ok..diri sendiri pun sangat tak reti menasihatkan org..siries xde skill..alih alih kang terjadi marah..:P emo..ban me from being judge,police,ustazah..

personally..aku rase cam ade satu jurang yang sangat super besar antara orang-orang yang menasihati kerana dia ingin orang lain itu berubah atas dasar die sayangkan dan care tentang orang itu..deeeengaan..sejenis lagi penasihat2 yang menasihati atas sebab2 selain dari sebab sayangkan orang lain itu..hehe..

personally..menurut pengalaman sendiri..nasihat yang aku personally suke adelah dari orang yang lembut kata2 nye..jernih airmuke nye..suare die tu bukan la kene merdu cam buluh perindu tapi kata-katanye tochna menusuk kalbu laah~haa..haha..orang yang byk berdose ini macam mendemand penasihat yg diingini..

xde la kan..cam secare teori nye sume orang akan dengar..boleh dikatekan la hanye akan dengar nasihat dari orang yang tak buat pekare jahat yang dinasihatinye itu..kan? dan ditambah dengan akhlak2 yang baik..

tapi..masalahnye dengan polis haram di edisi sonnet18 ini..hmmm..adelah sejenis penasihat2 yang bukan nak nasihat baik2..mereke ni jenis suke ar terjah menerjah..marah marah dengan penuh emotional..bertindak memalukan pihak pesalah..dan aku paling nyampah is..bile mereke menjadikan sesi 'berbincang' masalah2 komuniti ini semacam sesi 'gosssssipp terhangat'..haaa..tu la die yang sebenorrnye kan..

aku rase aku hidup dalam komuniti yang masih ade hati yang baik dalam diri masing-masing..bukan la sampai hati hitam keras macam batu tak leh nak ubah ke ape..
personally aku rase..kalu betul2 nak nasihatkan orang sebab mengambil berat pasal hal tersebut..jangan lah buat sampai orang itu benci kita! eh bukan kita..kau/kamu/awak/u!

untuk tego rumah org lain kotor..kite kene at least..dapat masuk ke kawasan umah orang itu dan tunjuk kat mane kotor tu..tuu..nmpak tak tu..haa..yang ini haa kotor...;)

takkan kau pegi jerit dr luar pagar..eiii..dapur ko tu hitam laaa..busuk..jijik..keji..!!

org tu pun cam konfius2..dapur belah mane? hitam macam mane?hitam sangat ke? eh jap pehal jerit2..ahh..shaddap..gilo ke..malas dengar ah..benci..

pehtu bile org tu watdulik (it's like acting doesnt care)..kau pegi tepon majlis perbandaran..soh pi tgk dapur kotor tu..supaye derang bagi la nasihat sedas dua disamping saman ke hape..

dan tuan rumah terus menutup pintu rumah mereke dari kau..dan jangan la kau harap untuk senang2 nak masuk lagi dengan mudah..

dan kau canangkan kat seantero dunia yang org itu gelap hati dah..wat the ikan~

aku percaya hati yang baik dapat terime pekare baik..walaupun sedikit..mustahil lah hati yang baik tak tercuit langsung..mungkin hanye insaf sepuluh saat..tapi mungkin itu permulaan yang baik?

personally..aku rase tak berbaloi kau menjadikan semua orang berpaling dari kau sedangkan hati2 itu boleh lagi dibentuk..rugi aku rase..~

-jangan la kau menggunakan label menasihati..untuk menjadikan kau nampak mulia dan seperti serikandi!

-jangan la kau menggunakan kata2 ilmuan kau untuk buat orang lain nampak jahiliah..!

-jangan la kau cuba create sempadan antara kau dan orang lain..supaya kau seolah2 berade di zone syurga dan orang lain berade dizone..err..tanak la neraka..tapi dizone yang lambat sket masuk syurga!

kau kne tau ape motif perjuangan kau..ape matlamat kau..dan kau buat semuanye kerana siapa??
sebab kalau kau betul betul tahu..aku rase kau takkan sebegini..

dan..bersangka baik lah..aduhh..tak larat u otak ni kalu dok pikir yang terlalu tersirat dan rahsia..apetah lagi ngan teori2 yang tak habis2 negative..
bersangka baik lah iye dok..?

hehe..

ini bukan entry menasihat orang lain..ini entry untuk orang2 yang nak menasihati orang lain..so tulisan ini personally dari view seorang yang err..masuk dalam kategori calon2 mungkin kne nasihat..:p

dan sudah tentu..it works both ways..da tahu diri salah..kene la baiki kan..kire..untuk menjamin kesejahteraan ummah..kite tolong la sket orang2 yang nak menasihati ini supaya tugas mereke lebih mudah..menerima dengan tenang..mendengar dengan baik..dan bersangka baik lah dengan niat mereka menasihati..

bukan la sume nye nak jage tepi kain kite..ok? ape kite ingat kisah hidup kite ni hot~ceh..get a life..

sekian..trimas ;)

dabdibdub: pengalaman dipetik sepanjang perjalanan hidup..jangan pandai2 buat konklusi ini nak bang sesape..sile bersangke baik ngan pengurus sonnet18 okey..daaaa~

nah..ini bes..dan segale yang berlink dengannye..tak rugi..;)

PMS..mixture of feelings and si bakal pengantin ;)

kawan baik saya si sharmila nak kawen..

bukan men kawen kawen cam mase kecik2..

ni kawen btui btui..

yang ade tok kadi tu..

mase lepas mila bitau kami die nak kawen..

smpai skrang kami macam cakap..

"tak sangke..nak kawen da si mila tu..dulu ektip dok carik target cell je keje''

mila ade lah leukocyte..

dan lelaki kacak adelah..err..makanan nye..:P

ok..

mila adelah orang yang boleh dikategorikan sebagai organized la kan..haha..compared to me..i know she'll have her wedding under control..today's wednesday..means 2days to go..;)

i saw her countdown clock ticking..and i'm a bit nervous all of sudden..and seriously wanted to cry..
last time we hang out..was around january during my winter break..and honestly i admit..there's some changes and differences in how we used to be..but i cant figure out clearly..no..i'm afraid that i may know what and why but dont want to admit it..time and distance changed us i think..

as i write..my feelings are shaking..i feel like i want to cry..(ok..i'm already crying a bit..:'( )..i cant shake the fear of the distance between us..i fear the distance of soul and feelings..
what if its is there..the 'break-up'..

some says..best friends doesn't break up..best friends are forever..

but i've seen..i've experienced..the feelings and the thoughts..of an ex-bestfriend..

when i looked at my ex-bestfriend..i cant stop but wonder..

dear..which turn that we missed..which path that we stop walking together,we stop holding hands..did this breakup caught us off guard..or we've seen it coming.. did we just let it happen and didn't fight..have you ever had a silent wish like mine..hoping 'us' will come around eventually..

but that story doesnt have a happy ending..is it too cruel to admit that it was a flat ending..i mean..at the end..both of us just..suck it up and move on..tsk..it is cruel phrase..i know

and i really really really dont want that to happen tome and mila..i cant afford looking at our picture together and say..hey..this is me and the girl that used-to-be my bestfriend..
i freaking dont want that!!!! :(

i hope i can fix it..we can fix it..and hold each others hand till the end of the road..amin~

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

hmmmmmm..

tujuan asal entry ini sebenarnye bukan untuk meluahkan perasaan..tapi sebenarnye nak share satu informasi yang i found it a bit funny but si mila cannot know that i found it funny until she already dinikahkan..uuu..i loike that word..hehe..ok..
i read bout how nervous she was and suddenly i felt nervous and nearly shed a tears..dah nak kawen da si mila neh..again..and the funny part was dicelah celah kekalutan beliau menguruskan last details on her wedding day..she found out that the tok kadi yang suppose to nikahkan die..is hospitalized!!!
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..

oh mila..i am sorry..i really really hope that u already settle that..mse aku bce entry tu aku rase cam nak srazu kol kau tau..that makes me nervous..apekaahh ujian lagi 5 hari ini..tsk tsk..but bright side..at least 5hari before..not on that day..kan?kan?

and mila..i hope u already recover from ur demam..

and mila..i hope that jerawat goes away..

and mila..i really really hope everything goes well..heyy..i know evrything will go well..;)

u juz go and rock that baju pengantin ok sweetie??

and i hope bahrin wont puke on his baju melayu ten times like ur bro..hehe..ok..itu exaggerate~

and i know that u will look superly stunning..urgh..cepat la kawen..nak pictss! ;)

and i wish i wish i wish i could be there..tsk..

ini mila dan nelli ;)

err..derang tgh eksesais posing for majalah pengantin
edisi tanjung rambutan..

ni untuk majalah NONA..mila dan hubby..;)

selamat pengantin baru !!!!!!!

love all the way from ukraine..mmuuahhsss


dabdibdub: this is what u will get when my PMS aura coming.. half of heartpouring and a sudden flip into merepekking..hmpphh..mysayang used to say..during PMS..if i kill sumone..i will not be jailed..fiwwiitt..i lyke!

i found this nostalgic picture of mysayang kat satu blog nih..CSMUian..a guy..but i dont know who he is actually..i tried to figure out thru his postings and chatbox but i failed..haha..anyway..that's not my biggest concern..i dont really care anyway..cuz i am more excited to steal his picture..nyehehe..sorry!
ok..i dont steal 'his' picture..i steal mysayang's picture from his blog..not watermark or copyrightreserved there..so i'm allowed..;p

nahh..

fr left: awan,topek,mysayang farhan,pinky,zilal,
faisal,jack,zam.monyot

mysayang,pinky,zilal,faisal and jack already graduated 2008..and they're doctors now!..am proud of the seniors..i heard they are doing well so far..
mysayang will have his exam obs&gyn selasa ni..please Allah help him go thru that xam excellently..

i think this picture was taken at Simferopol Intl' Airport..mase tu nak hantar fara khanafiah & hubby balik msia xsilap..mysayang wore darkblue tshirt written Terengganu..hehe..that shows obviously he's not from terengganu..ade ke orang yang asal dari satu negeri tu pakai tshirt souvenier negeri yang die dok tu? (urghh ayat rojak..)..

heyy..imishyu ok boyfey..ke boyfie?boyfee?boyfye? boyfiey? wth..wutever..imisyu sayangness ;)

ps: annoying tak satu hari sampai dua post..takde keje ar~

life.com

life taught me to clean my own cut..
..heal my own scars..
..wipe my own tears..
..stand up when i fall..

but that has been so long ago..

and now when everything goes opposite me..
i get cut..scars and tears..
i fell down..
and forgot everything what life has taught me..

so i curled up in my bed..
with soundless cry..
wishing that everything would disperse in thin air..
and tomorrow will give a better result..
from the test of today..

lagu ini untuk kamu..lagu ini..lagu kita.:)

wawa posted hanya kau yang mampu vids kat facebook and i suddenly remember that i wanna put this song in here..

i gave mysayang this song thru email attchmnt but he hadn't listen to it yet..
he doesn't have d time to go online and see wutever sillycrap i sent..
hehe..well..bukan salah dia..i always have sumthng to attch in my emails..:P
he's the matured one..and i'm the childish-upsidedown-talkingfastandcrappy one..
we have so many diffrnces and yet so much things in common..
we like..
..cartoon..anime..
..sushi and fish@manhattan..
..movie and pocorns..
..bowling and icesakting..
..ciken beger at gudang..
..icecream mcDonald..
..ferrero rocher and tobleron..
..cats and kitten..
..jealous..and control freak..yes thats us..haha~

but we didn't go along with some facts..
..i like dogs..
..i like wearing jeans..
..i like hearing any type of music as long as it sparks me..
..i like talking and merepeking and laughing and talking again endlessly..
..i like window shopping..
..i like travelling..
..i like maggi kari..meletopp~

..he definitely dont fancy dogs..
..he likes me wearing baju kurung..
..he loves metallica..(i gave metallica a chance..but they blew it..sheeshh)
..he likes maggi tomyam..
..he likes staying indoor and play PS..no travelling..
..he prefer listening instead talking..he even more silent when he's mad..creepyscary

i like him more when..
..he likes window shopping with me..haha..itu reke..he juz said he likes being with me wherever~
..he can eat anything i cook in wutever final result and outcome..
..he call me..text me..whenever wherever he's free..
..he always put me first in most of his decision..
..he looks at me more than 10 sec..i definitely melt~
..he makes me feels like I'm the prettiest female species ever exist..theeehehe..*euphoria*
..he's not a sweet talker..so once he said sumthing sweet..he will blush..and i definitely adalah seketul awan yg terapung..



we had our fun moments together..and we had so many fights too..in fact there are some disagreement than still hidden inside the closet waiting to be settled..and some disagreement cant be settled and left afloat sumwhere under the sink..ok..i'm talking home interior~ :P

there's some times i felt left alone when he's busy..i even think that he's change into me..honestly i'm the kind of girlfriend who often forgot to text him during my free time..esp when i'm having so much fun and friends around..but he's not like that..
there's time when he proves that he's still himself..always putting me first..;) phewww~
i adore that..but that also makes me feel scared..it hurts imagining if its not like that anymore..
so i pray hard..
so that God will help us hold our bond..and may it be sumthing that defines forever..

ok..seriously dah lari dari topik asal..cehh..ok..ini lagu kita..the end- ;)

LAGU KITA- AIZAT AF 5

Deras hati ku berdetak
Di langit aku terlihat kamu
Terang malam teman kita
Dengan angin meniup sayu

Kupetik gitar akustik ini
Dengan harapan dia mendengar
Melodi indah yang kucipta
Hanya untuk luahkan rinduku padanya

(Korus)
Dan aku terus…
Menyanyi lagu ini untukmu
Walau berjuta mendengar
Lagu ini hanya untukmu

Arah hidup kita
Digambar bintang di angkasa
Dan berkelip melukis cinta
Terciptalah Lagu Kita..

aaa.. ooooo…
aaa.. ooooo… huuuu…

Melodi indah yang ku cipta
Hanya untuk luahkan rinduku padanya

Terciptalah Lagu Kita…

Lagu Kita - Aizat

sungguh..saya sayang kamu..:)

aku yang mula suka pada ape yg ade dalam coffee..~

kepala sangat pening..maybe sebab dah overdose coffee..siries tak tipu..ok..title entry maybe adelah tipu..sbb aku da lame suke pade coffee..dr zaman sekola coffee seiring besame buku..patutnye bile beli buku kne ade promotion free bepeket2 instant coffee.. tapi kali ni..ade satu perasaan needy dalam jiwa untuk sang coffee sbb aku sdang menahan nafsu yg membuak untuk mngambil lebih dari 2 cawan sehari..i didnt categorize myself dlm kumpulan caffein-addicted..aku tamau in fact being addicted to it..aku try control supaye tidak cinta padanya..so aku rase aku ade syndrom coffee-tooth..mcm sweeth tooth yg suke yg manis-manis itu..hehe..

pasni aku kne sediakan bekotak2 tooth whitener plak..urghh~

lately i'm super-duper senstve..kalu aku preggie..aku akan cakap 'blame the hormone..blame the baby'..tapi masalahnye aku tak preggie..but aku rase aku de hormon level of a preglady..sensitive and craving for foods..aku da pas level craving for foods tu dah..teori aku ialah aku mcm tu bile 'bulan mengambang'..bulan dah kuncup balik tapi perasaan senstive tak jugak berlalu..hmmphhh.. knape aku-yg-senstve ade lah bahaye?? sbb aku ialah org yg cepat menangis..smpai qis & klasmet2 aku siap cam da leh ckp..'haihh..start da die nanges'..

dan aku da menangis tanpa sebab yg releven..sebanyak dua kali..

petama..sebab mase aku call mysayang ketike die break mse tgh onkol..tetibe aku dengan de sore pompuan len ckp2 amende tah..aku tau pompuan tu bukan nurse sbb mysayang onkol kat obs.dept..whch means hanye aku slalu dengan hanye lah suare2 nurse tua..tapi ini suare HO pompuan muda setahun dari dia-tua setahun dari aku!! cisss kek btul aku mnyumpah dlm hati..skali nak tambah drama..pompuan tu ckp ape tah smpai mysayang gelak..gelak..gelak..die tgh on fon ngan aku neh..tapi tgh gelak ngan pompuan len..dan still gelak..dan gelak..dan talian terputus..*#@$($%4..

hati aku cam da stat sedih..smpai airmata terkuar..WTH..aku sumpah diri sndiri for being irrelevant..gile ape nak nangis sbb tu..i mean..mcm la aku takpnah gelak ngan org lain..duhhhh~

pehtu aku kol balik..and aku tnye ah ape yg klaka (ngan nada yg tanak tau pon senanye..)..die pon cite..yg aku da tak ingat amende sbb tanak tau punye pasal..then die ckp..ade kje sket kne wat..later sembang2 balik..aku cam..hmphhh..kucilnye hati..pastu kami pon berbabai2..dan aku reply ilefyu ngan hambarnye..sbgai tanda protest dan merajuk..

selepas 5mins aku dpt sms..

"yang..dah abes..kol lah balik..hehe"

aku cam..huhu..ohhh oook..td die mmg kne wat kje..bukan sbb da tamau cakap ngan aku dan mahu ckp ngan shawn the sheep..(hehe..mysayang ckp muke that girl cam anjing dlm citer shawn the sheep..ok..sile jgn ingat itu satu hinaan..itu ade lah anjing plastesin yg cute..tapi aku tamau being rude dgn menggelar perempuan itu anjing-dlm-citer-shawn-the-sheep..)

dan untuk kesekian kali die menghapuskan air mata aku ngan lawak2 nye..cewaaahhtaklehblah..dan kami berborak ngan gembirenye..dan aku percaya aku lagi banyak buat die gelak berbanding shawn the sheep itu ok..~

ok..airmata kedua.. tumpah ketika aku baca blog ade sorang girl yang name die same ngan aku..nadia..haha..nnti ah aku link die..
aku terbace entry pasal die citer yg barang2 die mcm2 da ilang..itu lah..ini lah..forgetful i guess..macam aku..sangat~
tapi last words die..
"Banyak sangat kejadian hilang dalam hidup aku.Semua ni mengajar aku erti redha tentang hidup..redha merasai kekurangan orang lain yang lebih susah.Mendidik hati aku supaya sabar dalam banyak perkara... Aku belum sedia hilang mak..adik beradik n family rapat yang lain.mintak dijauhkan...Biarla aku hilang seribu juta barang2 pon.Tapi mereka2 ini..tiada galang gantinya... " .

.dan aku sebak disitu..
terbayang sume yg aku sayang di Malaysia..

sob..








dabdibdub: entry ini ditulis besame beberape malfunction dikeyboard..*sigh* baru ku sedari betape pentingnye setiap arrow di keyboard..dan perkatan delete dan end dan home..dan beberape lagi.. sume salah budak gemok ini..grrrrrrrrrr..die tumpahkan pepsi diatas keyboard..semuanye melekat2 sudah..+_+

akrobatik sedas dua

aku ni lalang...i'll xplain..later..:P

blue moon..

entry ini penting buat diriku..
kerane ngan tak semene mene..
ade satu ombak rindu..(errrk)..
melanda jiwa..
menyebabkan terase nk call mysayang..
w'pun tahu die sedang bizi..
meng-onkol kan dirinye di ward besalin..
nyehnyehnyeh..
tgh tahan desire-gatal tangan nak mendail..gatal mulut nak berpotpet..

anyway..
happy twisties day..
i miss u sayang ;)

salam perantauan..
nadiya..

bajet legolas ahh..hehe..i loike pict ni..cuz me nmpak super slimmm yu..awwww ;)

eeeeeii~pffftttttttt

fakeweb *cursing*cursing*

this enty came from qis's laptop..
why..?
cuz my internet freaking bongok..i hate it..hate it..when it's not working..and i cant fix it..and so i can't call mysayang..and he texted me..and i can't reply cuz i dun have any crdt left..and i tried italk from qis's laptop..and as usual it wont work from qis's..and that was since forever..and i send ym sms to mysayang's sis..and ask her to tell mysayang to call me..and i wait..and wait..and nothing..and i'm miserable..and pissed..

and mysayang juz texted me with some word pointing that as if i hadnt wake up cuz too tired from
partying last nite..and made me doubleinfinity pissed..and i know he didnt received the msg i sent..and i asked yetti for a topup..and she havnt reply yet..and i seriously badly wanna cry..
:(

i hate today..bongoookkk *sorryGod-iknOwmanythingselseicanbethankfulfor*

when u're gone..~

to be honest..
i'm the kind of person..who always always mistakenly take things around me for granted..not that i'm not grateful..but i will appreciate MORE when it's gOne..
huhu..
i didn't mean gone like 'kepoooshh' gone..but gone like..not a habit anymOre..*sigh*
details:

i remember the first few months knowing mysayang..i think he has this kind of weird obsession..he tend to mark and remember every single date that is meaningful and keep track of the 'anniversary' of it each month..ok..at least that was the plan..cuz it already stopped at anniversary no.1..well..his roomies psyched him saying dun scare me off like that..(and i was at that time..)..
hehe..i feel honoured really having sumone who like me and appreciate every single thing that is related to me..but the teke-teki part that's killing me..haiisshh..dubdabdubdab jantung when he asked.."do u knw wut day is today?"..well..*blankfOraMinute* and then i learn that it's the date where we first eat roti canai together..at putrajaya cafe (ukraine)..errr...ok...people remember first date yeah i know~ but unfortunately i dun consider that as a date..its more like..accidentally eating together for the first time..haha..first accident lah kire nye..(glad not the last..;) )

..and he remember a few other accidents until friends around him suggest to minimize it maybe into..one single date to celebrate..and that is..lucky number 17..the first time he sms'ed me..17/11/2005..

..and i remind u again about my lack of appreciation..sometimes i forgot to wish on 17th..until he ask me..do i knw wut day is today..and as he well know me..he sometimes detect my lack of memory about that day..tp happen beberape kali saje la ok..

but when we are separated...far far away from each other..when he get sooo freakin busy with his work..when he's sometimes so 'in'to his work..it makes me feel insecure &..jealous..(wut the heck jealous..but yeah i am!)..i'm jealous that he's so busy that makes him cool and able to handle this long-distance relationship calmly..so busy that i think it can take his mind off me..and i am jealous of that busy-ness..i need it badly cuz i'm a mess thinking bout him most of the time that it even sumtimes hurt myself..i live in live-memory of us @ ukraine..and it's hard to not to think bout him...

..and my lack of appreciation hit me back..
..desperately wanting attention..i, who always forgot bout 17, b'come obsess with it..excitedly looking forward to it..to call..to wish him..to hear sweet wishes from him..
i wished..
but he didn't..
i waited till 12..
still no sms..
but he called..
because he accidentally fall asleep..
and he saw few missed calls from me..
and my call-me-back sms ..
(thanx to maxis but that doesn't work when the other person is sleeping..obviously..)
and..i have to ask..
what he asked each month for 3 years..
and i asked..
..do u remember wut day is..was..yesterday?
yeah..he knows..it's 17..
and that's only it..
and my heart gets a tiny-miny pin cut..

grrrr..i'm mad with my-silly-selfish-self..he's busy..and how's sumthing with a tiny priority wud fit in his long-tiring hours of working? i..of coz can think about it..look foward to it..since i'm free and holiday-ing..

bleeehhppthhhh~

huhu..i understand his situation..
but i need to get this out of my system..

he's great actually..he never miss to sms me everyday..not even once..he called me whenever he has time..and i definitely appreciate that!!! *^_^*

ps: as a reminder..i am a lousy girlfriend at the first place..kesian him for having me in his life..i'm stubborn..selfish..i always talkback..rebelious..i change mymind in a snap..and i've disappoint him in a countless time and way..and he still love me..(i think..~) haha..i know he loves me..cuz i love him too..with conditions that i began to hardly sees..

malaysia time:
01:28
18january2009

my choo choo train~

malaysia time: 08:39, 14january09

i'm at home..
my home..
i wanted to write..
about so many things..
but mama's lappy is sick..
& it makes me sick too..
& makes me forgot..
things that i wanna write..

so i scribble this..
using my dad's lappy..
describing my fellings..
beside happiness for being at home..

yesterday we took a train..
we looked at the window..
and wondering which town we passed..
we laughed at the boy who slept mouth wide open..
we talk nonsense out of nonsense..
but we giggled cuz we understand..

today we take the train..
i look at the window..
and tell u about what i saw outside..
and u keep the silence..
u look at the window..
and tell me bout what u saw outside..
but i keep my silence..
thinking..
why's our story different?
why's what we saw through the window different?

so i wonder..

..are we in the same train?


ps: still wondering..my grammar sux..english & bm..*sigh* mind the error ok~