when u're gone..~

to be honest..
i'm the kind of person..who always always mistakenly take things around me for granted..not that i'm not grateful..but i will appreciate MORE when it's gOne..
huhu..
i didn't mean gone like 'kepoooshh' gone..but gone like..not a habit anymOre..*sigh*
details:

i remember the first few months knowing mysayang..i think he has this kind of weird obsession..he tend to mark and remember every single date that is meaningful and keep track of the 'anniversary' of it each month..ok..at least that was the plan..cuz it already stopped at anniversary no.1..well..his roomies psyched him saying dun scare me off like that..(and i was at that time..)..
hehe..i feel honoured really having sumone who like me and appreciate every single thing that is related to me..but the teke-teki part that's killing me..haiisshh..dubdabdubdab jantung when he asked.."do u knw wut day is today?"..well..*blankfOraMinute* and then i learn that it's the date where we first eat roti canai together..at putrajaya cafe (ukraine)..errr...ok...people remember first date yeah i know~ but unfortunately i dun consider that as a date..its more like..accidentally eating together for the first time..haha..first accident lah kire nye..(glad not the last..;) )

..and he remember a few other accidents until friends around him suggest to minimize it maybe into..one single date to celebrate..and that is..lucky number 17..the first time he sms'ed me..17/11/2005..

..and i remind u again about my lack of appreciation..sometimes i forgot to wish on 17th..until he ask me..do i knw wut day is today..and as he well know me..he sometimes detect my lack of memory about that day..tp happen beberape kali saje la ok..

but when we are separated...far far away from each other..when he get sooo freakin busy with his work..when he's sometimes so 'in'to his work..it makes me feel insecure &..jealous..(wut the heck jealous..but yeah i am!)..i'm jealous that he's so busy that makes him cool and able to handle this long-distance relationship calmly..so busy that i think it can take his mind off me..and i am jealous of that busy-ness..i need it badly cuz i'm a mess thinking bout him most of the time that it even sumtimes hurt myself..i live in live-memory of us @ ukraine..and it's hard to not to think bout him...

..and my lack of appreciation hit me back..
..desperately wanting attention..i, who always forgot bout 17, b'come obsess with it..excitedly looking forward to it..to call..to wish him..to hear sweet wishes from him..
i wished..
but he didn't..
i waited till 12..
still no sms..
but he called..
because he accidentally fall asleep..
and he saw few missed calls from me..
and my call-me-back sms ..
(thanx to maxis but that doesn't work when the other person is sleeping..obviously..)
and..i have to ask..
what he asked each month for 3 years..
and i asked..
..do u remember wut day is..was..yesterday?
yeah..he knows..it's 17..
and that's only it..
and my heart gets a tiny-miny pin cut..

grrrr..i'm mad with my-silly-selfish-self..he's busy..and how's sumthing with a tiny priority wud fit in his long-tiring hours of working? i..of coz can think about it..look foward to it..since i'm free and holiday-ing..

bleeehhppthhhh~

huhu..i understand his situation..
but i need to get this out of my system..

he's great actually..he never miss to sms me everyday..not even once..he called me whenever he has time..and i definitely appreciate that!!! *^_^*

ps: as a reminder..i am a lousy girlfriend at the first place..kesian him for having me in his life..i'm stubborn..selfish..i always talkback..rebelious..i change mymind in a snap..and i've disappoint him in a countless time and way..and he still love me..(i think..~) haha..i know he loves me..cuz i love him too..with conditions that i began to hardly sees..

malaysia time:
01:28
18january2009